shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
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If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
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lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
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