i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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