no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
