singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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