I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
