You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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