Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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