the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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