I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
