I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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