Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
