scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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