How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
