Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
