That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
