At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
