'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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