My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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