Say something about gay babies.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
