don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
