Midget sex pt 2 tonight
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
