I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
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Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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