I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
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