Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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