I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
