I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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