I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
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I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
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Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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