He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
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You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
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You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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