First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
