Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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