Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
