we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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