come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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