She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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