i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.