dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
