I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
