I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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