If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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