I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
