That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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