Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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