I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
