I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
