It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
