In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
