it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
