you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
