Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i was born a porn star she said
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize