Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
