I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
