So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Sober January is a disaster.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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