girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
