I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
