It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
