So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
