The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
