I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
