i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
