Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
