you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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