You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
