There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
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You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
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The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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