Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
