Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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