Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
