he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
