The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
