if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
