Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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