you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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