So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
