so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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