I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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